There are many things your husband would love for you to know about him but he just can't be telling you. Is he purposely not sharing these things with you or has it been a while since you had a deep conversation together? The answer will be different for each couple, but here are five things he would like you to know:
1. He loves you.
You are his world, though you may not think so. He does not always have an easy time expressing his feelings or sharing verbally, though he does show you in other ways, that's how men are wired. While you may prefer a hug or sweet words, he may demonstrate his love when he buys you your favourite snack or clean the house.
2. He is embarrassed by how you talk about him with your friends in public.
When you make a joke about how he can’t find anything, that he doesn’t listen to what you say, or that he is boring, he doesn’t find it funny. When you criticise him in public he feels ashamed. After a while, these remarks begin to chip away at his trust in you as his loving partner.
3. He wants to be number 1.
Although he loves your devotion to the children, he sometimes feels left out. He wants to feel more important than the kids so that when he is talking to you and the children interrupt, you put him first instead of attending to them. He is your full partner in parenting but he doesn’t want to compete for supermom’s attention. He wishes you would take interest in him, spend time with him, and go out once in a while. Showing your kids that your marriage comes first is a valuable lesson that will benefit them in the long-run even though they may be “kicking and screaming” when you leave them with a baby sitter.
4. His sense of self-worth is directly connected to his abilities to provide for you.
If your husband is currently out of a job and you are experiencing tension in your relationship, it is no wonder why. He needs you to understand how hard it is for him when he can’t provide because he feels like a failure. When you get anxious about your financial situation it makes him feel even worse because he has let you down. There is nothing more satisfying for a man than to provide for his family. So, instead of the fear, encourage him with prayers.
5. He wants to be appreciated.
He wants to know that you appreciate him for everything he does for you. He wants to know that you appreciate him for who he is. When you complain about all of the things he doesn’t do right, it is hard for him to feel that you value him. While we may feel so busy with life’s to-do list that we forget to express our appreciation, we seem to find time to share a complain or frustration with our spouse. Try carving out a few minutes each day before bed where you share with your husband what you appreciate about him and why.
These five points are not all that surprising or profound, but you’ll be amazed at the positive and immediate effect they can have on your marriage. By accepting the way your husband loves you, being careful about criticising him, making him number 1, monitoring your money fears, and expressing appreciation for him, you are showing him that you are willing to meet him half way towards a better and more fulfilling relationship.
Oluwatoyin Adebowale
KEY ©2014
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